What does UN week mean for us New Yorkers?

Besides the barricades all over the east side of town? And swarms of cop cars roaming the city like some kind of crazed gang?

oh yeah we get dudes in unmarked suburbans with machine guns chilling in traffic.

A list.

I’ve been pretty pissed of about a bunch of shit lately. But its hard for some one with my lack of writing skills to rant about things that piss me off in a manner that is entertaining to read. So in the spirit of recognizing ones weaknesses I have decided to just make a brief list.

1. Fast (if by fast you mean taking your self to seriously) Friday

Ok really guys no one cares. I’m happy that your happy about the scene you created but will you please stop making movies and publishing books about it.

2. Random Relay Races in Prospect Park.

There is a reason they don’t randomly pick teams in real racing. It really sucks to work and train hard and then get paired with some dude who is geared for bar spins and is clearly there for the participation cool points and the spoke card.

3. The notion that there should be an “even playing field” in cycling.

Listen mother fuckers I don’t know who taught you this bullshit hippie idea that the slower people should get a chance to but I’m hear to tell you that its fucking dumb. People need to learn about racing, getting dropped, and hurting that’s how people get faster. This is bike racing not kindergarten where everyone macaroni art goes on the wall.

Now I would like to present to you with a few things that are awesome.

1. Greg Lemond heckling Lance in Vegas. The story in on Velonews.com you clearly have the internet so go read it.

2. So I found an interview with Keith Bontrager talking about cross racing. He was asked why the sport is not as big in the US as it is in Belgium. This was his response; “Serve some good beer and frites at a cross race (legally) and you will quickly fill the woods with raving fans. It will take them a few years to know what they are screaming about, but it will work out eventually.”

3. Andrew wrote a write up about his first time at Hiller Than Thou. So go read it.

4. In case anyone is interested in old news my “official” race report from GMSR 08 is posted on the Kissena website. it’s the last thing on the front page its been there a while and its about to be relegated to the older news page so I figure if anyone is still interested you can go check out the “official” version of the events although its surprisingly similar to the “un-official” one.

5.

Fuck Fridays.

In the history of the world Friday has always been a symbol of greatness. Since it's invention in 1768, by a great American, Caldwell Schmidt, it's been revolutionizing everything from battlefield warfare, to how our mail is delivered, to beer specials, and even shoe sales. A timeless American symbol of our great welfare and out country's ability to overcome attacks on our pride, our land, and our children, Friday, is just simply Amazing. So amazing that cultures all over Europe and even Asia have adopted our idea of Friday. Soon after Europes mass opening of discotheques it soon spread to Canada and now even Central America, as Friday night's popularity sored.

This was the case until very recently. It all started several weeks back with the first attack on my Friday night. The culprit; the habitual smoking of the cured marijuana plant combined with malt liquor. Combined these are enough to make you not leave your house. Wasting away in the 632 Decatur headquarters with no Friday night agenda!?!?! Completely disgusting. What would the Party Police say if they found out. Luckily Saturday saved me from being locked in an 8x8 party cell with nothing but a sink, cot, and birthday suit.

One week later, holy shit I think I may cry before I get through this. She was taken from me, by probably some asshole from Jersey (no offense roommates). She was standing on a corner, and then bam. A truck jumped the curb claiming her for the dark side. I held her in my arms as she slid off into the afterlife. Bicycle Heaven. Fridays can't get any worse. Or so I thought.

This Friday was off to a great start. Work was easy, smooth, I could have been asleep and still made my money. Finished the day early and with no last call to my dispatchers I head southbound towards the newly reopened dumpling spot (thank you Barack). I ate 15 nearly perfect half moons of pork deliciousness, before receiving a call from Angry Drew about cheap pints and free chicken wings. So I stopped in for a quick pint and then hit the road. My Friday was going good. Then Bam. Taxi door flies open and I wind up on my back confused and in pain. Two bum shoulders, some bruised knuckles, and my ear possibly broken. All of which at the time I didn't notice thanks to my adrenal glands working in full effect. So I got $140 dollars cash from the asshole with the door opening problem to replace my seat, and I again hit the road. Only winding up to again do nothing and fall asleep early.

Fuck you Friday.

Current Events

This election is kind of a big deal. I'm not going to lie- I was definitely pretty apathetic and melodramatic about the whole thing up until I saw the Democratic National Convention. It's easy to be relatively fatalistic about politics in general, and given our present situation (quickly declining economy/inflation, rising unemployment, larger financial gaps being created between classes, etc.), I really couldn't forsake anyone for truly not giving a fuck and preferring to drink themselves into oblivion. Especially cut throat republicans who are punching themselves for reelecting Bush (you know who you are). It's funny because I live in a place where I can SO freely speak and really not be met with any (or much) opposition when it comes to my opinions on common political issues... New York City, at least at street level, is so ridiculously left-wing that I am pretty quickly convinced that there is no way a republican could possibly win this election.

The fact is, the proportions are so ridiculously unrealistic in my immediate surroundings. Just across the river, or even above Columbus Circle, I am sure there are so many Republicans that I just never encounter and are definitely going to be putting their balls on the chopping block for the McCain/Palin ticket. This is absolutely horrifying. I think New Yorkers, of all kinds, so commonly see what is completely wrong with the world on such a daily basis, that I can't believe that any of us could so ignorantly look past it. Maybe that's morbid or pretty ideallic considering most people that walk around in this city have their blinders on to anything not directly concerning themselves.

Anyway, the DNC was some of the most incredible television I have seen in a really long time. It made me give a shit. Plus, that picture with Terry Richardson only helps things.

On racing, really racing.

Hes back from a three year retirement. Can he win again? Poupou raced his last tour at the age of 40 and finished second. I guess we shall see what onenutMgee can do.

On racing, being real, and getting lame.

When did allycats become lame? I think the last one I did was July 4th or maybe it was the Courier Classic? Regardless the July 4th race was the last real allycat I did.

I rolled up to the Metal Race last weekend and pretty much instantly knew I wasn’t going to race. I knew I made the right choice when even Crihs “the man who will race any race even his own” decided against racing as well.

Maybe I’m starting to get jaded. Ha. That’s an understatement right there. I feel so bitter about so much shit.

At first allycats were races organized by messengers and raced by messengers. The rewards were small and the recognition non existent with the same risks every messenger knew and understood from his day to day.

Eventually non-messengers began to participate. The prizes got larger and the competition tighter. What once was a way to pit your skills against the people you bumped in to inside messenger centers now became its own brand of an underground sport of sorts.

Today we have allycats that are no longer even organized by messengers are not raced by them ether. They have BMX categories(cough Baltimore cough) and skateboard categories (what the fuck?).

Who cares? So what? I mean we all knew the shit wouldn’t last. No scene or community does. Everyone eventually gets bitter at something or other.

Maybe this is just my second year messenger slump talking. God I cant believe its been two years since I first went on the road.

Anyway we have all heard it before. The “it used to be better before” and the “back in the day” oh and don’t forget the “when this shit was real” statements. There is certainly truth there. But it makes you feel like some kind of grumpy and bitter old man to listen to it.

So now I just suffer out on a road bike. No illusions there. Race to race. No posers just pack fodder.

Just remember:

NO BITCHASSNESS

Black is the new Brooklyn Machine Works

I've been trying to quit smoking for some time now. I did a solid job on cutting back without a problem, and I've even quit buying cigarettes for the most part. I still buy tobacco pouches when the moment hits, which is usually several beers into the night. I still, however, can not go without cigarettes entirely throughout the day. I've kept myself mostly limited to 2-3 smokes a day, but like any addiction, you will inevitably make exceptions. I didn't smoke 3 yesterday, so I can smoke 4 today. It's a hard thing to do, especially when the core of your motivation is to not get grounded on the weekend by your roommate. Anyways, I'm usually pretty good at not smoking until the beers get cracked, which is another thing all together. Mostly I've just come to accept that I'm a casual yet consistant smoker.

Speaking of making exceptions, I'm going to get completely shit faced tonight since I didn't do anything for my Friday night because I was sleepy. Since I'm going to have to condense my partying to one night this weekend I have to make it really count, right?

If you had a hundred extra dollars what would you spend it on?

Knock Knock

It's 9/11 mother fuckers!! BLAUUU

No, but, really. I am going to quit my job if I don't get a big raise, pronto. It's a cute gig and whatever-the entire jam is relatively laid back-but my ass is broke. Something has to change, and it's not going to be my attitude. I have been pretty gracious and hard-working long enough. This is pretty much the most American problem I experience in my day to day... Working too hard for no money. Fuck. I'm a bitch.

Dan's been trying to get us all to stay home with him while he has been sick. I know he has only mentioned trying to persuade Dwain, but he definitely asked me, too. Most definitely. He doesn't like to admit it, but he totally needs me.

The biggest news in my life is that I recently bought a pair of dunks that match my Cinelli perfectly. Photos to come.

I can't stop listening to Q-Tip tell me about a vivrant thing. Seriously. I am bugging.

On sick days and the beginnings of life.

Sick days as a courier are hard.

They almost always seem like the days when the weather is just perfect and Dwain decides to go to work instead of slack off and keep me company.

All the cat does is sleep all day. On every surface imaginable. She was just sleeping on my CETMA rack until I put new tie down cords on it. What the hell? That cant be comfortable. Why cant we have a non retarded cat.

Speaking of Dwain, his new BMW is good looking to the max. And light to boot. Looks like they finally decided to make their bikes out of butted tubes instead of the gas pipe they were using before. The new bike complete ways less then his old frame and fork alone. It could also be the absurdly light front wheel he is borrowing from me.

I used the sick day to run some errands and attempt to compose my cat 3 upgrade request. According to the points chart that Alan emailed me I should have enough points. It says winning a stage race is worth 20 points. I only need 20 points to become a cat 3. Somehow I feel like its not going to be that easy. Getting upgraded from cat 5 to 4 required like seven email exchanges with various USA cycling officials. I mean yes I was lying through my teeth about the amount of races I had actually done. But shit its not like I’m trying to become a cat 1 it shouldn’t be that complicated to upgrade to a cat that simply requires you to show up to a set number of races regardless of how you actually place.

Anyway on to the beginnings of life.

According to Dwain this is how it went.

“Something greater than you and I had to take a big shit and did so.”

Eva’s response was a bit more convoluted. She talked about how my text message typo of lefe instead of life which she believed to be Leffe which means beer had enough symbolism in it to allude to how she imagined life began.

Chances are that life started when something somewhere in the deeply remote past seriously traumatized a small random group of atoms drifting through space which made them clump together in extraordinary unlikely patterns. These patterns quickly learned to replicate them selves and then went on to cause massive trouble on every planet they drifted on to.

At least that sounded convincing when I read it high school. These theories I’m sure have been proven defunct by someone somewhere with a ten billion dollar particle accelerator.