Thursday, September 25, 2008

A list.

I’ve been pretty pissed of about a bunch of shit lately. But its hard for some one with my lack of writing skills to rant about things that piss me off in a manner that is entertaining to read. So in the spirit of recognizing ones weaknesses I have decided to just make a brief list.

1. Fast (if by fast you mean taking your self to seriously) Friday

Ok really guys no one cares. I’m happy that your happy about the scene you created but will you please stop making movies and publishing books about it.

2. Random Relay Races in Prospect Park.

There is a reason they don’t randomly pick teams in real racing. It really sucks to work and train hard and then get paired with some dude who is geared for bar spins and is clearly there for the participation cool points and the spoke card.

3. The notion that there should be an “even playing field” in cycling.

Listen mother fuckers I don’t know who taught you this bullshit hippie idea that the slower people should get a chance to but I’m hear to tell you that its fucking dumb. People need to learn about racing, getting dropped, and hurting that’s how people get faster. This is bike racing not kindergarten where everyone macaroni art goes on the wall.

Now I would like to present to you with a few things that are awesome.

1. Greg Lemond heckling Lance in Vegas. The story in on you clearly have the internet so go read it.

2. So I found an interview with Keith Bontrager talking about cross racing. He was asked why the sport is not as big in the US as it is in Belgium. This was his response; “Serve some good beer and frites at a cross race (legally) and you will quickly fill the woods with raving fans. It will take them a few years to know what they are screaming about, but it will work out eventually.”

3. Andrew wrote a write up about his first time at Hiller Than Thou. So go read it.

4. In case anyone is interested in old news my “official” race report from GMSR 08 is posted on the Kissena website. it’s the last thing on the front page its been there a while and its about to be relegated to the older news page so I figure if anyone is still interested you can go check out the “official” version of the events although its surprisingly similar to the “un-official” one.


Sunday, September 21, 2008

Fuck Fridays.

In the history of the world Friday has always been a symbol of greatness. Since it's invention in 1768, by a great American, Caldwell Schmidt, it's been revolutionizing everything from battlefield warfare, to how our mail is delivered, to beer specials, and even shoe sales. A timeless American symbol of our great welfare and out country's ability to overcome attacks on our pride, our land, and our children, Friday, is just simply Amazing. So amazing that cultures all over Europe and even Asia have adopted our idea of Friday. Soon after Europes mass opening of discotheques it soon spread to Canada and now even Central America, as Friday night's popularity sored.

This was the case until very recently. It all started several weeks back with the first attack on my Friday night. The culprit; the habitual smoking of the cured marijuana plant combined with malt liquor. Combined these are enough to make you not leave your house. Wasting away in the 632 Decatur headquarters with no Friday night agenda!?!?! Completely disgusting. What would the Party Police say if they found out. Luckily Saturday saved me from being locked in an 8x8 party cell with nothing but a sink, cot, and birthday suit.

One week later, holy shit I think I may cry before I get through this. She was taken from me, by probably some asshole from Jersey (no offense roommates). She was standing on a corner, and then bam. A truck jumped the curb claiming her for the dark side. I held her in my arms as she slid off into the afterlife. Bicycle Heaven. Fridays can't get any worse. Or so I thought.

This Friday was off to a great start. Work was easy, smooth, I could have been asleep and still made my money. Finished the day early and with no last call to my dispatchers I head southbound towards the newly reopened dumpling spot (thank you Barack). I ate 15 nearly perfect half moons of pork deliciousness, before receiving a call from Angry Drew about cheap pints and free chicken wings. So I stopped in for a quick pint and then hit the road. My Friday was going good. Then Bam. Taxi door flies open and I wind up on my back confused and in pain. Two bum shoulders, some bruised knuckles, and my ear possibly broken. All of which at the time I didn't notice thanks to my adrenal glands working in full effect. So I got $140 dollars cash from the asshole with the door opening problem to replace my seat, and I again hit the road. Only winding up to again do nothing and fall asleep early.

Fuck you Friday.