Friday, December 12, 2008

632 is undead, cyclocross is over, and the zombie horde approaches

Eva is right the weather has been shit. She is again right in pointing out that Dwain and my self do have to deal with it a lot. What she did fail to point out is mine and Dwain's complete lack of grace when it comes to dealing with dealing with the weather.

In other news I am mourning the end of my cyclocross season. Naturally for many the season is only starting to come to a close but when you live in NYC the options for cross are limited and generally a pain in the ass to get too.

So peace out cyclocross

Its time to get back out on to the road.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

632 is not dead

...we've all just slumped into seasonal depression.

The weather presents a big obstacle for us. While Dan and Dwain have to deal with it all day and a lot more than me, lately, every morning for all of us is a big bitch fest after we've checked (the latter of the two happens to be my resource of choice) and announced the news to the entire apartment (and probably building).

I fucking detest this weather. Mostly just because I can't deal with inconsistency. If it were at least 18 degrees EVERYDAY, I would definitely be more ok with that. I own great wool socks and windproof leggings that I would be more than happy to wear when prompted. Everyday it's a different story. Today it's 60 degrees and humid. Where am I? What is this, Miami? I don't even know how to dress for this weather.

It's also annoying because the weather's complete lack of routine and predictability means I have to carry all kinds of clothing so as to be prepared for whatever weather. Tomorrow it's probably going to snow. This is not based on any weather report I read, but rather my own personal weather prediction based on Murphy's Law which enables me to be ready for whatever shit does or does not fall from the sky.

Maybe it is just that swollen college degrees are in effect... We all know that many schools have dumbed down the curriculumns and a certain amount of grade inflation has gone on. This has probably enabled a lot of less qualified meteorologists to be working to incorrectly predict our weather. So maybe the truth of the problem is that the education system is faulted and everyone is staying dumber rather than better at telling me if it is going to rain or not. Or it could just be that we've ripped open a huge hole in the o-zone that is slowly but surely destroying the world, starting with what used to be called "seasons".

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Thank God it isn't raining.

Reading the news is almost always a depressing endeavor. Someone is always up to no good, or someone is getting killed, or more horrible things are happening to someone. Last night reading the news really got me down, and I started drinking tall's of Coors. What headline was it that had me so distraught I could only turn to drinking? It wasn't a headline at all, but in fact the weather report, or should I say summer's obituary. It said nothing but rain, and cold weather all day, possibly even snow. Snow? Yes, Snow. Fuck snow. It's cold and powdery but isn't something you can put up your nose so I'm not sure what to do with it honestly, especially when it winds up in big piles near my stoop. I also am never sure how to dress, and waterproofing for my lower extremities, is at an all time low. Forcing me to generally be cold and wet from the waist down on a day as today was supposed to be. Something did however work out very well, and that is the fact there's no rain today, or tomorrow, or this week at all for that matter. Thank the pale ghost of jesus christ for that one. The flip side; fuck for making me think my day was going to suck ultra hard, when it will in fact just be similar to that of yesterday which wasn't really very bad at all except for being overworked dude to shorthandedness.

On other issues, Dan is still somewhere not in America, and I kind of miss him despite trying to not miss him. What can I say, I'm kind of attached.

The apartment hunt is going slowly. I hate people who hate me and dont want to give me things such as an apartment, which isn't even a gift but a rental, which I would gladly pay for. A smaller room is going to be smaller in a bad way.

I enjoy Philly, but I feel that it's overall bad for my health. The people however are pretty fucking rightous with me.

My bike feels drag ass. It could be me but I blame the bike.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Six Three Two might not be at 632 for much longer...

Looking for an apartment has been lame. New York sucks because we're always fighting for space. It's expensive.

Charlie was crying mad loud for food, which is annoying, especially now that Dwain has taken to just responding to her with even louder meows. They are more alike than Dwain likes to admit.

I wonder when Dan is coming back...

I think I am going to get a tattoo soon. Probably.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Greatings from the land of grey and damp.

I'm gone for a few days and look what happens, campy hubs start exploding and things that aren't c-record start being called c-record. Crazy. I hope Dwain is staying out of trouble? Or maybe his hubs have simply vanished from this world all together?

London is pretty amusing. Its kinda like being in New York three years ago. People trow around words that have long since left circulation in NYC such as Fakenger. Front breaks are as prevalent as conversions and riding a fixed gear is just now as we speak starting to lose its status as something to talk about. Oh and both my lights got stolen. What the fuck?

Did i mention it rains a lot?

I might take another nap now and then ride of in to London looking for a job.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

My fucking wheel!!

My beautiful record* wheel set is now incomplete. Fuck.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Day one of the shittiest weather of the season

If there is one thing I don't like, it is a bad attitude. You'll catch me talking shit, but when it comes down to it, I really could care less. Talking shit is a way to pass time. It is really funny and hilarious and the main way I find things in common with others. Regardless, it is cool with me that some people are into riding fixed gears and track bikes right now because it is what is trendy- I have done less cool things in my life, and they too were just phases. It's difficult because you can't take a position on anything, or choose not to take a position without being called out as a hypocrite. I think the fact of the matter is that I just do not care at all. I'm not a bike messenger, I'm not a "legit" scene kid, and that's really ok with me. I would prefer that. I seem to have friends who manage to find ways to respect me, which makes me feel as though I must be doing something right. In the mean time, I'm going to remain off the forums and websites and try to do my thing. Hopefully that doesn't offend anyone.

It's really exhausting to get upset and throw a fit because people on the internet don't totally subscribe to what you're doing. Talking shit is hilarious, and I think everyone can take a second to laugh at themselves. This is the reason why I give shit to my friends. Everyone needs to get knocked down for a second. Suck it up and keep doing your shit.

Also- I am really upset that Dan has complete control over the profile of our blog and also complete editorial control. This is a democracy. I have been abstaining from blogging because my last post was deleted due to Dan's executive decision that it was lame and he didn't want it online and it pissed me off. This is bullshit and I want to expose him.

PS: New York City, I missed you so much.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Crime with in the Empire

Petty crime in NYC is up. Violent crime is down. But try telling that to my face. My face decided without my consent to intervene on a mugging that was happening in broad day light on twenty eighth street right of fifth avenue. After running in to my face the mugger quickly dropped the iPhone he was steeling at this point the people chasing him lost all interest in him and they hardly bothered to notice my hero face and quickly clamored around the iPhone. Thats what you get stupid face. Next time you see someone stealing an iPhone you let them carry on.

This is just one of many crazy things that has happened to me in the last two years. Its probably just a stupid coincidence that the last two years and six days of my life I have spent working as a bike messenger.

Thirty six years and two days ago. This man road his bike for an hour at an average speed of 49.431kph which by the way is 30.714mph yeah there was a reason they called him the cannibal.

Oh and check out this nonsense while your at it. Before you ask, yes it will be more bad ass then Darth Vader.

Ok I'm of abroad for a bit. Its my passport status you see. I'm X9 at the moment, technically I'm a fugitive.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Hate, hate, aniversary, hate, hate, hate, hate...

Shit there is so much crap out there these days. Lets start with Rapha. Now I'll be honest I own a bunch of Rapha shit and let me tell you its nice. You feel like you are whipping your ass with silk when your riding in their bibs and wrapping your self in the finest of wool(which it pretty much is anyway) when wearing their jerseys.

Exhibit A: The Tweed Soft Shell

First the really stupid thing about this jacket. Its seven hundred and fifty dollars. I wont bore you with the list of things I would rather do with that much money. But lets just say one of them would be buy two of the classic Rapha soft shell jackets which are at least designed to be used for riding.

By the looks of things this motherfucker only has one pocket. Oh and did I mention its tweed? Yeah try wearing that stupid thing on your next group ride? I could justify dropping the cash on the classic soft shell because it was at least designed for riding in. This is just a stupidly expensive cycling jacket that will not match any bib short ever made nor will it hold your wallet AS WELL AS a banana. Great just what we need.

Exhibit B: The Cross Bib and Jersey by Rapha.

What the fuck guys? No one who actually takes cross remotely seriously would race it in bibs and a jersey. Have you ever actually been to a cross race? Or did you just take your regular 3/4 length bib shorts slap some orange on them and call it a day? If you had actually watched a cross race you would notice that everyone has these crazy things called cross skin suits on. Strange... And yes unfortunately i have been racing cross this season in bibs and a jersey so far. But shit if I had enough money to afford this little set of gear I would have bought three Kissena cross suits by now.

Ok moving on to ZIPP. Yeah ZIPP you can go suck a dick you fucks. God I need a moment to calm down from all this anger welling up inside me. My race wheels since May have been a sweet set of 303 tubs that I bought brand new. These wheels did not even see 1500 miles since they only came out on race day. And they have the audacity to crack? Seriously ZIPP suck a dick.

Oh did I mention that as of two days ago I have been on the road for two years? Well its true. Two years ago I was a fresh faced kid who was way to exited about his job and ended up running everywhere. Shit I even took shits fast back then. These days I have slowed down a bit. Not on the bike. I think I actually got faster on the bike but in my attitude. It helps to be relaxed when people with jobs that suck treat you like shit all day. It also helps to look good(while dodging buses).

But I could never look as awesome as these guys. I want to be like these dudes when I grow up.

I had some other shit i wanted to rant about today but i think I'm done for the night. So long and good night.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

News clippings and the stating of facts.

Yes, hello.

So there has been a rampant lack of blogging as of late in the all mighty six three two house hold. I pledge to you dear readers that I will seek out whatever is causing it and weed it out with the same vigor and conviction of a French anti doping agent. In other words things are not likely to change and you are just going to have to love it or leave it.

Our first topic today is about a very disturbing article I read today over my morning coffee in AM New York. Apparently a legislator for the state of Nebraska had filed a law suit against none other then God. Ernie Chambers was seeking an permanent injunction against God. On what grounds you may ask? Well according to dear Ernie God has been making terroristic threats against the senator and his constituents in Omaha, inspired fear and caused “widespread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earths inhabitants.” Some pretty heavy charges no doubt. Bummer for Ernie because no one could find this God to give him the proper paper work so Judge Marlon Polk threw out the case.

Ernie reasons that “Since God knows everything, God has notice of this lawsuit”.

Moving on to the stating of facts.

It has recently been pointed out by a 1/3rd of six three two that we are in fact the most solid track bike house hold around. The other 2/3rd quickly agreed and the assessment was quickly proven by the solid fact that our track bike stable is simply superior to pretty much anything else out there.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Cross is the new allycat anyway...

All you hipsters need to get off the road and get dirty in the mud.

Cross season is here!

But i could not agree more with the above statement.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

It's not that I don't want to blog,

it's just that I am usually so tired.

As pictured, Charlie is still sleeping too much. Unlike images of her from the past, here we see Charlie at her most vulnerable. I don't really know what happened to Charlie during her early development that has caused her to act completely unlike anything resembling a cat, but, I will also never know. Dan was fostering her for the time that I think she learned most of her bizarre/uncharacterizable habits. I love her regardless, and I think Dwain has learned to too. I sometimes catch him cuddling her real close to his face, even though I know it makes his eyes turn red and water for hours. I learned that from watching him try to wear clothes he left on the floor for too long and that Charlie turned into one of her many nap spots.

This is also really important for all of our readers to see:

Yup. It's Crihs at his most darling. I'm pretty sure Dan missed this... but hopefully many got to catch him on his way home in his new shorts. I promised him I'd put this online.

I've been reading about the economic collapse pretty consistently on the NY Times website... I actually laughed out loud/wanted to cry when I saw the literally 1.5" tall font they used to convey the headline, which, I don't remember verbatim but, read something like "BAILOUT PLAN FAILS. DOW DROPS 777 POINTS TODAY". It was kind of hilarious to see- but only when speaking from the most cynical point of view possible. As I am writing this, I also just read that after revision and a re-vote tonight, the bailout plan has passed. I'm really really relieved/horrified/frustrated. It is completely out of my control, and because of that, I hope it is the right thing. Economic collapse is definitely a bummer- maybe one day I can again have hope for social security and retirement before I am 80.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

What does UN week mean for us New Yorkers?

Besides the barricades all over the east side of town? And swarms of cop cars roaming the city like some kind of crazed gang?

oh yeah we get dudes in unmarked suburbans with machine guns chilling in traffic.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

A list.

I’ve been pretty pissed of about a bunch of shit lately. But its hard for some one with my lack of writing skills to rant about things that piss me off in a manner that is entertaining to read. So in the spirit of recognizing ones weaknesses I have decided to just make a brief list.

1. Fast (if by fast you mean taking your self to seriously) Friday

Ok really guys no one cares. I’m happy that your happy about the scene you created but will you please stop making movies and publishing books about it.

2. Random Relay Races in Prospect Park.

There is a reason they don’t randomly pick teams in real racing. It really sucks to work and train hard and then get paired with some dude who is geared for bar spins and is clearly there for the participation cool points and the spoke card.

3. The notion that there should be an “even playing field” in cycling.

Listen mother fuckers I don’t know who taught you this bullshit hippie idea that the slower people should get a chance to but I’m hear to tell you that its fucking dumb. People need to learn about racing, getting dropped, and hurting that’s how people get faster. This is bike racing not kindergarten where everyone macaroni art goes on the wall.

Now I would like to present to you with a few things that are awesome.

1. Greg Lemond heckling Lance in Vegas. The story in on you clearly have the internet so go read it.

2. So I found an interview with Keith Bontrager talking about cross racing. He was asked why the sport is not as big in the US as it is in Belgium. This was his response; “Serve some good beer and frites at a cross race (legally) and you will quickly fill the woods with raving fans. It will take them a few years to know what they are screaming about, but it will work out eventually.”

3. Andrew wrote a write up about his first time at Hiller Than Thou. So go read it.

4. In case anyone is interested in old news my “official” race report from GMSR 08 is posted on the Kissena website. it’s the last thing on the front page its been there a while and its about to be relegated to the older news page so I figure if anyone is still interested you can go check out the “official” version of the events although its surprisingly similar to the “un-official” one.


Sunday, September 21, 2008

Fuck Fridays.

In the history of the world Friday has always been a symbol of greatness. Since it's invention in 1768, by a great American, Caldwell Schmidt, it's been revolutionizing everything from battlefield warfare, to how our mail is delivered, to beer specials, and even shoe sales. A timeless American symbol of our great welfare and out country's ability to overcome attacks on our pride, our land, and our children, Friday, is just simply Amazing. So amazing that cultures all over Europe and even Asia have adopted our idea of Friday. Soon after Europes mass opening of discotheques it soon spread to Canada and now even Central America, as Friday night's popularity sored.

This was the case until very recently. It all started several weeks back with the first attack on my Friday night. The culprit; the habitual smoking of the cured marijuana plant combined with malt liquor. Combined these are enough to make you not leave your house. Wasting away in the 632 Decatur headquarters with no Friday night agenda!?!?! Completely disgusting. What would the Party Police say if they found out. Luckily Saturday saved me from being locked in an 8x8 party cell with nothing but a sink, cot, and birthday suit.

One week later, holy shit I think I may cry before I get through this. She was taken from me, by probably some asshole from Jersey (no offense roommates). She was standing on a corner, and then bam. A truck jumped the curb claiming her for the dark side. I held her in my arms as she slid off into the afterlife. Bicycle Heaven. Fridays can't get any worse. Or so I thought.

This Friday was off to a great start. Work was easy, smooth, I could have been asleep and still made my money. Finished the day early and with no last call to my dispatchers I head southbound towards the newly reopened dumpling spot (thank you Barack). I ate 15 nearly perfect half moons of pork deliciousness, before receiving a call from Angry Drew about cheap pints and free chicken wings. So I stopped in for a quick pint and then hit the road. My Friday was going good. Then Bam. Taxi door flies open and I wind up on my back confused and in pain. Two bum shoulders, some bruised knuckles, and my ear possibly broken. All of which at the time I didn't notice thanks to my adrenal glands working in full effect. So I got $140 dollars cash from the asshole with the door opening problem to replace my seat, and I again hit the road. Only winding up to again do nothing and fall asleep early.

Fuck you Friday.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Current Events

This election is kind of a big deal. I'm not going to lie- I was definitely pretty apathetic and melodramatic about the whole thing up until I saw the Democratic National Convention. It's easy to be relatively fatalistic about politics in general, and given our present situation (quickly declining economy/inflation, rising unemployment, larger financial gaps being created between classes, etc.), I really couldn't forsake anyone for truly not giving a fuck and preferring to drink themselves into oblivion. Especially cut throat republicans who are punching themselves for reelecting Bush (you know who you are). It's funny because I live in a place where I can SO freely speak and really not be met with any (or much) opposition when it comes to my opinions on common political issues... New York City, at least at street level, is so ridiculously left-wing that I am pretty quickly convinced that there is no way a republican could possibly win this election.

The fact is, the proportions are so ridiculously unrealistic in my immediate surroundings. Just across the river, or even above Columbus Circle, I am sure there are so many Republicans that I just never encounter and are definitely going to be putting their balls on the chopping block for the McCain/Palin ticket. This is absolutely horrifying. I think New Yorkers, of all kinds, so commonly see what is completely wrong with the world on such a daily basis, that I can't believe that any of us could so ignorantly look past it. Maybe that's morbid or pretty ideallic considering most people that walk around in this city have their blinders on to anything not directly concerning themselves.

Anyway, the DNC was some of the most incredible television I have seen in a really long time. It made me give a shit. Plus, that picture with Terry Richardson only helps things.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

On racing, really racing.

Hes back from a three year retirement. Can he win again? Poupou raced his last tour at the age of 40 and finished second. I guess we shall see what onenutMgee can do.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

On racing, being real, and getting lame.

When did allycats become lame? I think the last one I did was July 4th or maybe it was the Courier Classic? Regardless the July 4th race was the last real allycat I did.

I rolled up to the Metal Race last weekend and pretty much instantly knew I wasn’t going to race. I knew I made the right choice when even Crihs “the man who will race any race even his own” decided against racing as well.

Maybe I’m starting to get jaded. Ha. That’s an understatement right there. I feel so bitter about so much shit.

At first allycats were races organized by messengers and raced by messengers. The rewards were small and the recognition non existent with the same risks every messenger knew and understood from his day to day.

Eventually non-messengers began to participate. The prizes got larger and the competition tighter. What once was a way to pit your skills against the people you bumped in to inside messenger centers now became its own brand of an underground sport of sorts.

Today we have allycats that are no longer even organized by messengers are not raced by them ether. They have BMX categories(cough Baltimore cough) and skateboard categories (what the fuck?).

Who cares? So what? I mean we all knew the shit wouldn’t last. No scene or community does. Everyone eventually gets bitter at something or other.

Maybe this is just my second year messenger slump talking. God I cant believe its been two years since I first went on the road.

Anyway we have all heard it before. The “it used to be better before” and the “back in the day” oh and don’t forget the “when this shit was real” statements. There is certainly truth there. But it makes you feel like some kind of grumpy and bitter old man to listen to it.

So now I just suffer out on a road bike. No illusions there. Race to race. No posers just pack fodder.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Just remember:


Saturday, September 13, 2008

Black is the new Brooklyn Machine Works

I've been trying to quit smoking for some time now. I did a solid job on cutting back without a problem, and I've even quit buying cigarettes for the most part. I still buy tobacco pouches when the moment hits, which is usually several beers into the night. I still, however, can not go without cigarettes entirely throughout the day. I've kept myself mostly limited to 2-3 smokes a day, but like any addiction, you will inevitably make exceptions. I didn't smoke 3 yesterday, so I can smoke 4 today. It's a hard thing to do, especially when the core of your motivation is to not get grounded on the weekend by your roommate. Anyways, I'm usually pretty good at not smoking until the beers get cracked, which is another thing all together. Mostly I've just come to accept that I'm a casual yet consistant smoker.

Speaking of making exceptions, I'm going to get completely shit faced tonight since I didn't do anything for my Friday night because I was sleepy. Since I'm going to have to condense my partying to one night this weekend I have to make it really count, right?

If you had a hundred extra dollars what would you spend it on?

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Knock Knock

It's 9/11 mother fuckers!! BLAUUU

No, but, really. I am going to quit my job if I don't get a big raise, pronto. It's a cute gig and whatever-the entire jam is relatively laid back-but my ass is broke. Something has to change, and it's not going to be my attitude. I have been pretty gracious and hard-working long enough. This is pretty much the most American problem I experience in my day to day... Working too hard for no money. Fuck. I'm a bitch.

Dan's been trying to get us all to stay home with him while he has been sick. I know he has only mentioned trying to persuade Dwain, but he definitely asked me, too. Most definitely. He doesn't like to admit it, but he totally needs me.

The biggest news in my life is that I recently bought a pair of dunks that match my Cinelli perfectly. Photos to come.

I can't stop listening to Q-Tip tell me about a vivrant thing. Seriously. I am bugging.

On sick days and the beginnings of life.

Sick days as a courier are hard.

They almost always seem like the days when the weather is just perfect and Dwain decides to go to work instead of slack off and keep me company.

All the cat does is sleep all day. On every surface imaginable. She was just sleeping on my CETMA rack until I put new tie down cords on it. What the hell? That cant be comfortable. Why cant we have a non retarded cat.

Speaking of Dwain, his new BMW is good looking to the max. And light to boot. Looks like they finally decided to make their bikes out of butted tubes instead of the gas pipe they were using before. The new bike complete ways less then his old frame and fork alone. It could also be the absurdly light front wheel he is borrowing from me.

I used the sick day to run some errands and attempt to compose my cat 3 upgrade request. According to the points chart that Alan emailed me I should have enough points. It says winning a stage race is worth 20 points. I only need 20 points to become a cat 3. Somehow I feel like its not going to be that easy. Getting upgraded from cat 5 to 4 required like seven email exchanges with various USA cycling officials. I mean yes I was lying through my teeth about the amount of races I had actually done. But shit its not like I’m trying to become a cat 1 it shouldn’t be that complicated to upgrade to a cat that simply requires you to show up to a set number of races regardless of how you actually place.

Anyway on to the beginnings of life.

According to Dwain this is how it went.

“Something greater than you and I had to take a big shit and did so.”

Eva’s response was a bit more convoluted. She talked about how my text message typo of lefe instead of life which she believed to be Leffe which means beer had enough symbolism in it to allude to how she imagined life began.

Chances are that life started when something somewhere in the deeply remote past seriously traumatized a small random group of atoms drifting through space which made them clump together in extraordinary unlikely patterns. These patterns quickly learned to replicate them selves and then went on to cause massive trouble on every planet they drifted on to.

At least that sounded convincing when I read it high school. These theories I’m sure have been proven defunct by someone somewhere with a ten billion dollar particle accelerator.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

It's pouring outside

I started school this week. It was stupid. I might be more bummed out about the death of Dwain's BMW than he is.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Austin and Kym are not my North American Cycle Courier Champions

Austin has been working for Ralph Nader and Kym says she works in house for her spin studio. That spin studio uses Trackstar Couriers and Ralph Nader is not a messenger company to my knowledge.

If your main source of income is not from messenger work you shouldn’t go contesting a champion ship meant for those that make their living doing such work. A full time courier doesn’t have the luxury of rest days, or quality training rides, or sometimes even making enough money to travel to these events.

There are plenty of races that are for everyone. The NACCC, the CMWC, and the ECMC are not.

In conclusion, both those dudes are nice and are fast, but fuck’em they don’t work as messengers.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Suffer, Piss, Eat, Win!





Monday, September 1, 2008

best part of dan winning in vermont this weekend:

the maple syrup that comes in a little cabin shaped tin.

you leave an empty space inside me similiar in that to the void an ex girlfriend I may have really been into left inside me.

The Dumpling King's rein is over. I blame my empty pockets and empty stomach on this. It's a sign of changing times. Inflation, recession, and widespread apathy, with no sign of change in the future. Except Barack Obama, who gives me the hope that one day dumplings will be readily available to me once again, much like a perfect world would be. I know the logical reader is probably saying to themselfs that there are many places in the city of New York that has dumplings for cheap, and on the fly. They're not the same. They just arn't. Some say that other spots are better, but I don't want better. Better is not a fucking replacement. Besides, better comes with a cost too heavy for me to justify. So I ask you all to raise your drinks to what once was the place that lead me to beleive that the stomach maybe really is the way to a mans heart, in this fairwell toast to the Dumpling King. I fucking miss you.

Sunday, August 31, 2008

More Pain.

The last two days have been a bit… blurry.

The second day of the Green Mountain Stage Race went more or less according to plan. One rider soloed in for a 38 second advantage over the rest of us. This did not change the GC as he began the day 55 seconds back after the time trial. I did as little work as possible and pretty much had a boring 70 mile ride around Vermont. The only excitement in yesterdays race was provided by the 4 crashes. All within the last ten miles of the race. I didn’t see any of them as they all happened behind me. This makes me a bit nervous for the crit tomorrow. But ill get to other reasons I’m nervous about tomorrow in a second.

Today was the big day. The penultimate stage of this race. Ahead was eighty miles and two mountains. The yellow jersey only had eleven seconds on me.

About four hours latter and with just 1 kilometer left, I came around a corner to see the top of Appalachian gap in front of me. The last 500 meters are the steepest with grades well over 20%. The only thing I can remember was suddenly seeing Dave T and Keith running besides me urging me on. I screamed at them to push me up this fucking hill. I crossed the line and the only thing I could say was “someone catch me”.

Thanks to the kind dude Matt C from Affinity who caught me.

I won the stage and took over the lead in the GC.

Tomorrow I have to defend it in the crit.

Just one more day left.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Vermont, Road Rash, Pain.

I just got out of the shower after the first day of racing. I never knew five and a half miles could put me in so much pain. Today was just the prologue stage which was an individual time trail. Everyone started thirty seconds apart. The first 3k were up hill and then it rolled with one more really steep hill in the last finish. I managed to catch the two dudes who started in front of me which was my goal. I finished second overall by two tenths of a second. Which puts me in a good position to make an attack on the General Classification on Sunday.

Tomorrow the goal is the do as little work as possible. Ride defensively, suck wheel, not loose any time on GC and I will be golden.

I forgot the cord for my camera so pictures for all this will be up when I come back and get around to it. So like November probably.

Yesterday was probably more eventful. On our way up we got our car stuck in a ditch of which i have photos. I forgot the camera cord so i cant send you any awesome photos of us pushing the car. For a second we though we were fucked and would have to call for a tow. Then we unpacked and went to check out the course for today. We met up with a few other racers. One guy pretty much shit his pants when he found out i was a bike messenger. Apparently people out side of New York City give a shit. who knew? He started talking about BikeSnobNYC. At this point it was dark and we road over to the spot to pick up our racer numbers. Suddenly i hit a speed bump which I off course failed to see. I suddenly realize I'm not holding my bars anymore. Somehow i found the time to look back, yell "what the fuck was that?" before flopping down on my right side and sliding a good ten feet on my hip. Showing up to registration bloody, in torn shorts, was a classy move on my part.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

I am at work, but,

fuck it. Dan has inspired me to blog.

He did come to my store today... and Dave was in tow. I actually really do enjoy when people stop by my store to say hello- things tend to get slow and the visits push me along. Also, it helps to reinforce to my coworkers how completely crazy and weird I seem.

Phyllis, I think, is either peeing really slowly or typing on her sidekick really quickly in the bathroom behind me. I can hear my phone beeping inside with her, but until I figure out what she is doing, I feel uncomfortable asking her to pass me my phone. I guess this is what it has come to.

I think the store has made about $27 today... Me sitting on the computer in the back room isn't helping the situation, or my rent getting paid.

On doping, training, racing, and sitting around in your underwear drinking beer.

Lets start with doping. Specifically in cycling. Doing drugs for fun is your own business and I don’t feel like telling you how to live your life anyway.

“The Tour de France is finished. It has been killed by its own success, by the passions it has released, the injuries and filthy suspicions caused by the ignorant and the wicked.” - Henri Desgrange

Sounds like a familiar lament at this point. With Ricco positive this year. The bombshell of Floyd Landis of two years ago and pretty much all the shit that has hit the fan since 1998 when the Festina scandal (see the doping section on TDF wikipedia page) broke the flood gates on the doping culture of cycling. But really if you think le Tour has been in trouble the last decade that quote above is from the 1904 Tour organizer. During that particular edition of the Tour the first three finishers were all disqualified for cheating and one hundred and one years latter where all flipping a shit fit because just the “winner” gets thrown out? Just trying to put things in to perspective.

Now to transition to training via a discussion about doping.

This morning somewhere between state line and the border of Sparkill on 9W Dave suggested that we should start a doping program over the winter. Now in reality cheating in the lower categories of armature road racing by doing drugs is as easy as lower category armature road racing is to begin with. Which means that doing drugs to win said road racing is the sexual equivalent of fucking your 12 year old sister because you cant get some. Maybe that’s a bit crude but I feel the metaphor works.

After seventy miles and about thirty two hundred feet of elevation Dave and I made it back in to the city and proceeded to get some milk shakes. We also visited Eva at her job in our matching spandex outfits.

Now I’m home. In three days I’ll be leaving with Dave to travel to Vermont to tackle the Green Mountain Stage Race. Since my racing season began on that cold morning in April standing around Central Park shivering violently I have been thinking about these four days coming up. My form has been great the last few weeks. My legs are shaved, tires glued, and I’ve managed to do enough shit talking for all the other two hundred and nine racers I will be taking on. Guess we are about to find out if I got what it takes to be Grimpeur.

Ok time to sit around in my underwear and drink some beer.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Treason to empire is loylaty to humanity

We are watching American psycho right now.

Eva made cookies.

I just got back from racing at the track.

Dwain is sick.

Charlie is sleeping in my room.

Six Three Two rolls on.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Gone away

i went with dan and andrew to albany on friday... as a result, i spent my first few hours home plucking mosquitos stingers from my legs and arms. while it is comforting to know that the mosquitos who stung me died short after, it doesn't make up for the large swollen welts all over.

albany has the worst food i have ever tasted, and the next time i go, i am bringing frozen dumplings from fried dumpling to survive off of. this all sounds so negative, but, really, it was a fun weekend.

best part of the weekend: just the tip.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

On being a roadie scum bag

There are a few things you have too do.
1. shave your legs
2. drink beer
3. rip the legs of people going up hill

Monday, August 11, 2008

Dwain was right.

Monday is like Sunday when you don't go to work.

When I was a woodland creature.

I spent two and a half days sleeping in the woods, and eating nothing but keg beer. It was amazing. My plan on Friday after cashing my pay check was to promptly leave town, but where? I was uncertain, but determined. Pablo called me after I had just started to get a nice Sparks prompted buzz going, and also loosing hope in leaving town. He told me to grab my shit and hit the road with him and Laurie 40. Heather Loop was also there, but I've edited out the parts of the weekend she was involved within my brain. I found myself instantly smelling of campfires and bootlegged corn whiskey while tattooed kids ate acid all around me. Finally after scoring some hallucinogenic drugs of my own, the weekend was sprouting into a beautiful flower waiting to be picked by my dirty hands. I woke up Saturday morning in the back of a strange car parked on the edge of a hill with my shoes missing. My head still spinning and decided to funnel beer. Jess from philly was in charge of the beer bong. She handled it like a seasoned pro, lifting the funnel end up right as I was ready to attack my digestive system with a cold brew. Guzzling was fully permitted at this party, and mostly encouraged. After swmming out to a floating raft in a pond and falling asleep while drinking Tequila I finally decided it was time to make it back to shore, so I saddled up on my inter tube, and was pulled ashore by a girl on a floating chair who soon became topless. We were joined in the grass shortly after by other people which then we all passed out and woke up and left the group one by one returning to the shelter of the main camp, while the beer bong queen and I made a make shift nest out of deflated pool floats and stolen towels. We then awoke and made our way back to the main camp where after Pablo forced me to shotgun more beer I passed out in a tent, only to wake up at 11pm to get properly shitfaced. Farm Party 2008; The greatest success of all.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

There is no beer in the fridge as always

Here is a picture of that dumb cat pretending she is a loaf of bread backing in the sun.

The internet has been out since Eva posted Friday morning. I had that fixed today. I took out the recycling. I did the dishes. I bought some stuff the fridge was missing.

Here is a picture of Dwain.

I also rode 130 kilometers today. Andrew and my self have decided to adopt the metric system. We also need to learn French and walk around pretending we are a pair of ex under twenty three neo pros who got burned out after racing in Europe.

This is the breakfast that made my weekend.

Another thing I did today, or I should say some dumb ass on a specialized langster did is break my derailleur hanger of my Raleigh. Great now I have to track down a replacement hanger before this weekend. While my derailleur hangs out being only attached to my bike by the cable. As much as I like my steel road bike I don’t pretend that it will be much fun trying to push it up a fifteen percent grade at the capital region road race.

Friday, August 8, 2008

friday morning

i got to watch dwain chase charlie around this morning, which made it a better morning than usual, but i just tried to go do my laundry and the spot was closed. why is a laundromat closed on a friday? seriously. well, i now get to look forward to another week of dirty laundry. i might go get a manicure and pedicure this morning- is that weird? this week has been really busy and i'm glad it's over.

i'm going to a wedding tomorrow so i'm leaving the city today.
the recycling better have been taken out by the time i get back, motherfuckers. and that bag of cans on the stairs outside dan's room better not be ours because a) who knows how long it has been there, b) that's gross, and c) whoever put it there would have to be ridiculously lazy.

i'm not looking forward to going to the bronx today.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

My stem is cracked. Fuck.

Dan told me to cook a steak and eat it, and I reluctantly did. Then ate it, and wondered why I was reluctant to do so. I'm also pretending that I didn't read a reminder to take the trash out and shit, but everyone will know I read it now since I spoke of it on the family/house blog. Fuck. I also drank out of one of Dan's water bottles. Hopefully he wont find out. Fuck. I had a Sparks with my pizza this after noon making one of the better 4 dollar lunches I've had. It would've been a 3 dollar lunch if it was dumplings, which I will eat tomorrow.

I hate stupid girls that work at fabric stores and ride yellow track bikes


So listen I am totally going to take out the trash and stuff tomorrow morning on my way to work. Shit I don’t even know what bins all that crap goes in. Whatever Ill figure it out.

Oh and that broken organizer thing is so totally going out with the trash. In fact maybe ill throw that out right after I’m finished writing this. That’s probably a bit much of a goal for tonight though.

But I can shoot for finishing this six pack of red stripe.

*How can you hate these people? Really? Look at them! If you hate bike messengers your just anti fun.

long days

dan and dwain still haven't taken out the trash/recycling. this is my reminder.

i've been getting elbowed to "blog!!!". so i guess i should. my closet organizer broke recently so when i got a replacement, the old one predictably ended up on the floor. charlie (our cat) has started sleeping in it, so now i no longer have the heart to throw it out. it's adding to the already derelict appearance of the living room...

we're having our predictable dinner of extra rare steaks and red stripe. i feel healthier but i think that has more to do with my belly full of beer rather than the steak i hastily ingested.

ps: i hate bike messengers

Monday, August 4, 2008

Monday is like Sunday if you didn't go to work.

There's cat hair on everything I own. I guess it helps build character, but mostly I think it just makes the snot build up in my nose until I blast it out on the way to work.

the welcome post missed the deadline to be published first

Welcome, these are your contributing editors*. This morning Dwain got hand cuffed fifteen minuets after putting on his pants for riding his BMX bike on the sidewalk in front of our house. At least they didn’t shoot him like that dude this past weekend on the corner of the Chinese chicken nugget place. This neighborhood builds character which is something that Eva desperately needs.

*The stupid cat is not pictured.

my feelings

i'm so sick of dan and dwain
this apartment smells terrible

douche bags